There are many things people are afraid of. Dogs, flying, being vulnerable to someone, trying to start their own business, clowns. Some of the fears are easier to confront than others. Fear can cause irrational behavior and knee-jerk reactions that keep us from finding happiness, success and security. Fear can also motivate us to move forward, prioritize the things that are truly important to us and teach us to have faith in ourselves and our internal dialogue.
Part of a Life Coach’s job is to help people learn to listen to themselves. Your emotions and physical reactions to situations are the language used by our brains to communicate with us. When we stop trusting ourselves or react instead of pro-act, fear can wreak havoc in our lives. Learning to interpret and use the information our body is sharing with us can free us from feeling we have no control over what’s happening in our lives.
Sometimes our fear is ego driven, as in we don’t wish to do, try or say something if it might make us look or feel weak to ourselves and/or others. Our ego wishes to maintain its belief that we are better. This is one of the most important things people can recognize in themselves, in my opinion.
Much of the issues in personal and work relationships comes from this particular ego-based fear. We fear admitting we made a mistake, we fear losing respect if we share something with our loved ones, we fear the emotional changes in relationships when our deepest selves is shared. In some cases, this fear is based on true risks. If you tell your lover that you cheated on them, you very well may lose them. If you tell your boss you forgot to lock the safe, you might lose your job.
Sometimes, though, what happens to us is only a reevaluation of how a relationship is working, or not working. Sometimes, forgetting to lock the safe was because you hadn’t eaten in 10 hours due to working conditions or expectations and had a brain fog which can motivate you to both take better care of yourself and encourage management to follow regulations about how employees are treated. Part of the how the situation is resolved depends on both having the nerve to recognize what the fear is focused on and use that fear to pro-act (act in a positive, thoughtful way) to present your truth and situation in a way that can bring positive, purposeful results.
Fear teaches us what we value. We fear losing our spouse, we fear being hurt and losing quality of life, we fear losing a job that provides security. When we are able to recognize what we value, we can understand why we value it. Our spouse might be a wonderful partner that we don’t want to lose, but our partner might also have told us that we will be left penniless and homeless if we aren’t with them. When you are afraid of losing the spouse, is it actually the person or a situation that you value? These realizations are what will direct us to purposefully creating situations that provide what we need and want in healthier ways.